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One way to peacefully resolve
conflict is for each side
- to come together
voluntarily
- to work cooperatively on the
issues
- under the guidance of a trained
facilitator
The following process should be
under the guidance of a trained
facilitator.
Bring your conflicted parties together
in a private location, and:
- Gather information:
identify key issues without making
accusations
Focus on what the issues are, not
who did what
Do not accuse, find fault, call
names
- Each party states their position
and how it has affected them;
Others listen attentively and
respectfully without interruption
- Each party, in turn, repeats or
describes as best they can
the other's position to the
listener's satisfaction
(c.f. Franklin Covey's
fifth habit "Seek first to
understand, then to be understood")
- Parties try to view the issue
from other points of view beside
the two conflicting ones
- Parties brain storm to find the
middle ground, a point of balance,
creative solutions, etc.
- Each side volunteers what he or
she can do to resolve the conflict
or solve the problem
- A formal agreement is drawn with
agreed-upon actions for both
parties;
- A procedure is identified should
disagreement arise
- Progress is monitored
- Progress rewarded or celebrated
Conflict resolution should be a
voluntary process that
- reflects the school's values if
applied throughout the school
- modeled and followed by teachers,
administrators, and staff
- will fail if perceived as a
process for students only
Each party in collaborative
conflict resolution
should feel empowered to speak
their mind, feel listened to, and feel
they are a critical part of the
solution. So also, each is
obligated to respect and listen to
others, try to understand their point
of view; and actively work toward a
mutual decision.
If the conflict cannot be
resolved in this manner,
mediation by a third, neutral party (as
in peer mediation); or
arbitration (enforced resolution by a
neutral authority) are options
Education is an excellent setting
to learn problem solving and conflict
resolution strategies. Whether the
conflict is a classroom real-life
simulation exercise or an on-going
emotional experience, learning ways to
resolve issues and collaboratively work
through responses and solutions will
teach you skills that can be applied in
other settings. It can help you:
- accept differences
- recognize mutual
interests
- improve
persuasion skills
- improve listening
skills
- break the re-active
cycle or routine
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- learn to disagree
without animosity
- build confidence in
recognizing win-win
solutions
- recognize/admit
to/process anger and
other emotions
- solve problems!
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Adapted with
permission from "Conflict
Resolution Training Manual," Friends
School of Minnesota, June 2002.
See also:
Conflict
Negotiation: Skills Checklist
Umbreit, M.S. 1995. Conflict
Negotiation: Skills Checklist. St.
Paul, MN: Center for Restorative
Justice & Peacemaking, University
of Minnesota.
Deutsch, Morton &
Coleman, Peter T., Handbook
of Conflict Resolution: Theory and
Practice, April 2000, Jossey-Bass
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